Waiting

I have learned that waiting is inevitable. I have always had something slowing me down whether it was for permission (it is easier to ask forgiveness than permission) or for companies (the stuff will get here when it gets here, and if it doesn't, follow up immediately) or myself (stuck in the dredges of "I don't know what to do next").
My biggest fights are with my school and myself. I wanted to do the right thing and ask for permission because I didn't want to make anyone mad, or do something I wasn't supposed to, or step on anyone's toes. Nothing got done doing this. That was all of fall and part of winter. Then I learned that the school valued initiative and just getting it done. Then I stopped asking for permission unless I had no other choice. (Now I dread asking because I know it will take so long for a response. I have to make sure everything is set up to go before I ask or else it will easily unravel.) So now I come up with as many work-arounds as I can. Like doing purchase orders instead of waiting for someone to find the time to get out the credit card and check out the cart that has been sitting online for so long. I didn't really know what those were until just recently. I am still working on using my time wisely. For instance, even though I have had my labels forever, I am just starting trying to make call numbers. I started where it is easy and am going to work my way to where it is hard. Thankfully, so much of my collection has call numbers on it, it will make it a whole lot easier for me. But there are still so many decisions to make. I just don't know how to do them all. And I have so many ideas I want to implement that I can't even keep up with myself. I still have to figure out collection development for this year. I have about a thousand left in my budget. That will get me 30 books. The school is advocating permanence. I know the stupid things will get stolen so why pay extra for them? Anything that is popular is more likely to a) get used a lot b) get stolen. So should I spend the extra money on permabound? And if so, what titles should I get? And what about lower reading ability levels? What do I do about them? Who to buy for? The kids who actually read vs. the kids who should read but don't. Should I get more graphic novels to reel them in? I think so but the school wants "culturally appropriate" (=black urban) MCAS (what does that mean?!!) books. I have too many competing interests for a measly $800.
Meanwhile, my barcodes haven't arrived yet and my pay is still sporadic.
Also, I need to come up with some points to argue for keeping me at SLA next year: I want a raise but I think there was a wage freeze. I want access to money I can spend at will without waiting for the assistant head of school to do it. I'll ask permission/seek authorization/email what and when I spend :) Need to work on that email...
It never ends. Its the end of the school year and the library isn't automated. I feel like a failure. A failure who is doing too much. (Did I mention I am trying to coordinate a Six Flags Trip too?)
Sigh. I need a vacation.